How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
