You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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