Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
