I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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