hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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