I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
