He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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