Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just invented taco cereal.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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