Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
