First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize