haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
