no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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