I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Jerry, you need to find god
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
