this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
