I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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