i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
