i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
