i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
