I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
