I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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