Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize