I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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