I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.