if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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