I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
