roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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