she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He did a backflip because drugs
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