brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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