She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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