So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
