two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm just crazy horny about you
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
