I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
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By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
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The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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