and you said cock pushups were impossible
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
