It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
