Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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