You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
