I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
