there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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