can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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