does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We had sex on a dog bed..
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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