i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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