I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
