I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just cropdusted the office
No stitches, just platelets and will power
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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