no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
