i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
