I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
