Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
