woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
