rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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