I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
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Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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