Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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