maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I lost the right to judge tonight
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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