I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
