:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
