Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I FOUND THE LEGS
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
