Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Dick very happy bro
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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