Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Randomize
