the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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