i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
last night I used snow as a chaser
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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