Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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