I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You took a bar mat shot.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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