I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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