I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
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I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
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Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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