had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
