I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
