who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
