Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
