Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize