just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
