i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
